So It's been a few weeks. And by that, I mean..."Man, has it been a WEEK!" Except in this case, it's weeks.
You know how things go your way for awhile, and things are just amazing?! I love those times. I miss those times. I need those times.
That's not to say things are bad right now. Honestly, we are doing ok! Could things be better? Heck yes! But things are looking so much better than they were. I think I'm just bummed. Depressed. "Sad" as some would say. I don't have an exact reason for these feelings. It's just me. It's what I do. I have times when sadness and anxiety make a whole in my chest and burrow there, and there's little that can be done about it. I hate it. I truly don't like it. I don't want to be a brooding, dramatic girl. I want to be a fantastic, confident girl. I'm not EMO, I'm not all "whoa is me". I'm Sara. Some of you know this about me. Some of you don't. I don't know that there is anyone out there anymore that truly knows me. Maybe Chad, only cause we sleep in the same bed 2 nights a week. (opposite schedules=stink)
I smile. I try to be sweet and nice to everyone. I try to be polite, and understanding and fun. I have a hard time with the fun. I'm weird.
So Weightloss....that's why you're here. I have no idea where I am. Last I checked, I was down a total of 8 pounds. "What?!" you say?! "How can that be?! You were down 10+ just last week..." Exactly. Then the dr said "How about some prednisone, because if you can't breathe, you'll lose weight, cause you'll be dead" or something like that. I can't remember her direct quote. It went more like "Thanks for coming in! Let's get you taken care of quick! When was your last PFT? Let's make sure these medications are still working for you. Take treatments every 4 hours the next 2 days, stay inside, no open windows.." yadda yadda.
So prednisone it was. 5 days. I've done ok, only tried to eat 2 toddlers this round, only had mild road rage (ok, comparatively to normal road rage). Stayed inside (because it's HUMID!) and took treatments as told. I'm better. 1 week out, and I feel ok! I still need a treatment in the am, and a few mdi treatments through the day if I'm too active or outside too much. I'm ok with that.
So, Minor set back. I'll jump on the scale in a few days, see where I'm at, and MOVE FORWARD. Because what else can you do? I probably won't have a beach body this year, just so you know. But maybe Next ;)
I wish I could get inside your head when you have these moments! Prednisone sucks! Except that keeping you alive part. We all like that.
ReplyDeleteEven when you feel the most alone, remember that you are not.
And I'll try to remember that sometimes when you are being nice you are really sad inside and I'll try not to expect you to be the happy Sara I see so much.
Love you!