HumpDay!

Today is going so much better. Stress levels are down, happiness levels are up. It's a better day :)

As far as my "diet" goes, it's going ok! I'm learning that I can't cut everything out, because that's when you have issues. Like, Binge eating issues. We don't want that. So, a little here and a little there. As long as I am taking supplements, doing some exercise, and following somewhat of a plan, I'm feeling good.

Water. Oooo, water is hard. According to "perfect weight loss guidelines" (that's not a thing, just what I've read over and over...) you are supposed to drink half your body weight in oz of water. So....if I do that, Noah will be building an arc somewhere in my body, and I might as well travel with a toilet. 'Cause damn! Not gonna share exactly how much that would be, because some of you smarties would know how much I weigh. Not ready for that just yet. I'll reveal eventually, and share the dreaded before pic. *shivers* Just know that my goal is a gallon a day, and I've not reached that just yet. And that's pure water. Nothing else counts, for me at least. I don't drink coffee, ugh, and tea? Puke.

Exercise. It's going! I've done crunches, and I increase the amount of them I do by 5 each day, so that's good. I can feel the burn. Wall push ups, well, I just want my arms to not be gross. That's where I'm going with that. Walking?! 2 days in a row, and for now I'm walking around my Mom's cul-de-sac. Don't be impressed. It's an embarrassingly small area to walk. Yesterday I did it and had to stop 3 times. Today? No stops! Still hard, still out of breath, but I didn't stop. That's pretty sweet. I'm proud of myself for that. 

My darkness? I'm slowly coming back into the light. I feel better. Yesterday after I blogged, I had to medicate and lay down. Sometimes you just have to. I feel like I'm in a much more positive state now. Things are hard, but are slowly getting better. Thanks to Sandy (love me some Fox's), I realize that we did do what we could for Suki. She had a great life. She had 2 beautiful litters that we weren't planning on, but happened. She got to be an only dog for awhile, she got to be buddies, she got lots of treats. She's lived in neighborhoods, on a farm, and chased chickens. We miss her lots, but I know she's in a better place, and she went home for Racey's birthday. Y'all might remember Racey, our american foxhound? Well, Sunday we would have celebrated her 17th birthday. She was a great dog, and she helped mold Suki into the awesome mother dog that she was. We miss them both, but we know we'll see them again. 

In other news...Eli has 2 days of school left. He's super excited. He's currently helping Chad make dinner, which is awesome. He's my sweet, emotional, hilarious almost 4th grader. I'm so proud of him. 

Thank you all for your interest, for reading my thoughts, and for your encouragement. I appreciate it. 

I may step on the scale tomorrow...we will see. 
TTFN- Ta Ta for Now :)

An Update. I don't know what Day it is currently...

So, fair warning, today I am a Debbie Downer. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The last several days have been....tough. I wasn't able to post on Friday because I was spending quality time with one of my favorite cousins, Lauren. By "quality time" I mean driving her to different hospitals with a spew bucket. Poor thing! She had to have her appendix taken out! And poor Penelope, her baby girl. She had to put up with Eli and I in the ER. Princess P is for sure a Momma's girl, and she was not happy with her substitutes. Once we got her home, she was a lot happier. Lauren, Wine and a night in soon, ok? We were happy to help out!!

Saturday was a much needed day. Got to hang out with Eli for a bit, and then dropped him off with a friend, and got a little "me time", and then got to go on a date with my Chaddy. Diet wise, Friday evening was a little tough, but ok. Saturday day went well, and except for a couple drinks at dinner and a coke (aka pop or soda) at a movie, I did ok! Still down 10 lbs at this point, so no complaints!  Had an awesome time with Chad, and went to bed ready for Race Day Sunday.

Ah Sunday. It didn't go as we'd hoped. Not sure exactly what happened, but long story short, we had to put our beloved 11.5 year old jack russell, Suki, to sleep. She was our baby. We've had Suki since she was about 4 weeks old. Not big enough to be separated, but the person we got her from fibbed a bit. She was born in Dec 2003, and we got her Jan 2004. She has been with us through thick and thin. She stayed at my side my whole pregnancy, she was Chaddy's baby and favored him, she took care of Eli and was his first kiss. I feel a very strong depression with her gone, because I feel like we let her down, and could have done more to save her. Sunday morning was kind of dramatic, and things went down fast. What should have been a fun, relaxing day turned awful pretty quick. Luckily, Eli was with a friend and went to the race. We didn't want him to have a bad day, so we waited for him to come home to tell him the news. As predicted, he was sad. Suki has always been in his life, so this is very different for us all. 

With all that said, Sunday and Monday didn't go well diet wise. I didn't use supplements correctly, nor did I stick to a diet. I cheated. Not a lot! I promise, I didn't go overboard, but, well, I was emotional, and I made a few poor choices. 

So, as an update. I am down a total of 8 lbs. I just hopped on the scale. I gained 2 back. I'm ok with that. I started right back on track today, and will keep going. I've done my exercise today, including a walk with my Mom after work. I can get my body going the right way again, now I just have to get my mind going the right way.

I'm down right now. With everything the last week, plus some changes at work, I'm just not seeing the light right now. It's hard, because I want to be a strong person, and be fun and funny and be a person that people want to be around. But, you start feeling so well and strong, then get hit with 4 or 5 difficult things, and you don't feel strong anymore! I don't want to lean on others, and most people don't want to hear the sad and depressing things going on. So what is a girl to do?

Well, exercise more, accept we have no air conditioning right now and I'm hot!....
Talk it out with people? But I hate unloading on someone, and honestly, I don't want to talk about it. 
Eat my feelings? Yeah, that doesn't get me where I need to be, or help me, honestly! 

What do you do? How do you get your feelings out and get out of a funk? Cause Sara needs some advice! My usual things aren't working. Help!

Til Tomorrow...
laters, alligators. 

An Exciting Day 4!!

I promise, I won't continue naming the daily posts according to day. I just wanted to start that since I'm doing an 8 day challenge. 

SO....I broke the rules today. I weighed myself. According to the 8DC rules, you weigh in Day 1 and Day 9, with one weigh in allowed day 2 or 3. It's a great motivator. I couldn't help it. After I "cheated" a bit yesterday, I wanted to make sure I didn't royally screw things up. 

10 lbs gone. Ah-maz-ing. I know it's weird of me to say, but I can feel it already.  My clothes feel different. I love it. My breathing is better already too. Way less use of my Albuterol, which is awesome considering the Indiana weather. It is May, right? Why did I want my fleece jacket this morning! Brr!

With that said, I cheated today too. Not too much, just a little. But, again, I took my supplements and meds accordingly, and not only did wall push ups, plus more crunches (up to 35!), and I walked!!

Now don't get all skippy. I was aiming for a 5 minute brisk walk. I set my phone and took off. At 2.5 minutes, I turned around. I got back to the driveway huffing, puffing, and hurting already. 4 min, 22.54 seconds. Talk about disappointing. I never thought I'd be this out of shape. 

Therefore, it seems I will be working up to the 5 minute walk, as well. I keep thinking "you have to start somewhere". But dang it, I used to be somewhat athletic. I could keep up, even with my short, stubby legs! I could hike for hours, and run up and down a basketball court as much as my lungs would allow me. I'm so mad that I've gotten this bad. 

But it won't happen again. Ever. 

I don't like feeling like a disappointment. I don't like feeling unattractive. I don't like feeling like I don't deserve things because of how I look. And I darn sure don't like shopping in the Plus Size section. I'm done with that. No more shopping until I've lost 50 pounds. That's my first short goal. I can't wait to get there. 

For those of you wondering, I did take pre pics. I'll share those as I see more of a change. I'll also share my pre weight. Not now. I'm too close to it still, and it's embarrassing. But I will. 

Before I sign off, I just want to thank those that are reading and encouraging me. It really means a lot. I try to put funnies in, and make things interesting, but in reality, this is serious and I've got to get healthy. I appreciate every one of your likes and comments, though. Y'all are amazing.

Until tomorrow, sleep well, dream awesome, and it's almost the weekend! Hot Damn!

Day 3, aka...a rough day

So we are on day 3. It's been a rough couple of days. I have honestly done my crunches (up to 35 today). I also added push ups today. Ok. Wall push ups. I know, super easy, right? But I feel the burn, and you have to start somewhere.

I was up last night with an upset stomach. I get that anytime there is stress, big changes, or nervousness. It's not a fun attribute to have. So, I had a hard time eating today, and I was a little on the tired side. The good thing about the supplements I use is they give me great energy! But because I was up half the night, I was still somewhat tired today. 

All that to say....I cheated today. Not big time, not throw in the towel, just....i gave in a little, so as not to go off the deepend later. Maybe that's a crap excuse, and that's ok, I'll live with that. But, I enjoyed my Steak N Shake lunch with a cherry coke. I still took my supplements to help counter the extra carbs and calories, and I'll add an extra 5 sit ups. 

And I'll do better tomorrow. Because really, what else is there? I'm not giving up. I will shop off the rack. I will cut up my Lane Bryant credit card. I will feel good about myself, and feel like I deserve the handsome husband I have.

I will get pregnant. 

There, I said it. I am going to make it happen. I will work as hard as I have to to make the family I want. Yes, I'm still upset about what happened yesterday. I'm very sad that we won't be bringing home a baby in October. I got my hopes up way to high, and I knew that. I knew what could happen. I kept saying it, hoping I could keep my composure if she decided to change her mind. And I did ok! A lot better than I thought I would. I'm still angry, and sad. I'm worried, and still a small amount of hopeful that she will think about her decision and put her trust back into us as parents, but if not, I'll be ok. WE will be ok. 

So for tomorrow, I have breakfast and lunch planned, I have supplements ready to go. I have crunches and (wall) push ups on my check off list. What do I add next? Maybe a 5 minute brisk walk? Work that up over the next several days? 

Any ideas? I'd love to hear them. Thanks for continuing to read. And thanks for your support. 
Til Next Time, dahling. 

The Dreaded Day 2

Day 2 arrived. And it wasn't bad, but it's going out with a bang.

So, I stepped on the scale, which is allowed, thankyouverymuch. I'm down 4.8 pounds so far. That feels awesome. But it's just the beginning.

I've done well today. No big cravings, ate a wonderfully healthy lunch with my Mom and Gram today. I was lucky enough to be able to "schedule" them into my appointments today, as I was on that side of town. I don't spend enough time with those ladies. That's for sure.

I had my sugar free minty gum for any nausea, had my water. No problems to speak of! Boring, right. Well, just wait. It gets interesting.  

I got a text. "Hey, our Regional HCS is in town." No stress, right? Actually, we finally met the little southern belle, and I like her a lot! Whew, one stress down.

I twisted the HELL outta my knee today. You know how athletic I am and all. So I was walking, and there was a curb. That's all it takes. Not sure if I've done damage. Icing it and some anti inflammatorys are in my future this evening.  But still, no "diet busting" trigger. I'm good!!

Well, for those of you that don't know, we had very big, exciting plans to expand our family in October. We've been unable to get pregnant since our miscarriage a year after Eli was born. I LOVE being a mom, and always wanted a huge family. I feel so lucky to have Eli. He is amazing, and I"m happy to be his mom, but I still feel incomplete. I try filling my house with animals. Too many, if you ask my mom. It's not the same. An opportunity presented itself, and we had prayers going up and fingers crossed, but a short 4 weeks after I was told we were chosen to be the parents, I was told she had changed her mind. 

Now, we are broke people. We are working on our financial health, but at this time, we cannot afford many of the fees adoption agencies ask of you. This was going to be a family adoption, handled gently and easily. For a whole month I got my hopes up, as I do, and we as a family starting planning a nursery, shopping for great deals, and listing favorite names. I can't be angry, as I would never be able to part with a baby I held for 40 weeks and got to know. But to say I'm disappointed and sad would be an understatement. 

Please, though, don't feel bad or sorry for us. I'm trying to stay positive that a window has opened elsewhere and we will again be parents, and Eli will get to be a big brother. To more than a dog. I love dogs, but it's just not the same. 

Talk about depressing and a huge diet busting trigger, right? I'm holding my own with water and a few crackers. I know the only way I can have a baby myself is to lose weight (A lot of it) and work hard and pray and hope my body decides to work. I know there are other ways to go about this, and if it comes down to it, we will make those decisions at that time. For now, I'm focusing on the family I do have, the amazingly supportive husband that Chad is, and end of year festivities with my almost 4th grader. Man they grow up fast.

On to Day 3, the challenges that might be put before us, and the amazing results I will continue to see. 

I'll Be Back. 

Day 0, AKA Day 1

I only say Day 1 because I'm doing an 8 day challenge to kick off this lifestyle change. I would normally call this Day 0. Want to know why?! Everyone says "The first day is the hardest!". That is SO untrue!  Day 2 is the hardest. Cravings are starting to kick in, and you think in your mind "I did good yesterday! I can have a little (Fill in the blank {Sprite}) and get right back on the horse tomorrow!" Guess what. That doesn't work, because the next thing you know, it's "Eh, I'll start again next Monday."

I'm not doing that this time. Heck no! I'm serious! I'm tired of feeling sick, and I'm sick of feeling tired!! I'm tired of feeling like I have to make the first "fat" joke in the room, so people know that I know I'm fat! Or somehow working into the conversation the words "prednisone" or "PCOS". Or "Bacon". Cause, you know. It's Bacon. 

All this to day, my day 1 is going well. I've not completed my crunch challenge yet, (25 for today!). I was busy at work and worked up a sweat many times. I know that doesn't count as working out, but I can't do that yet. How sad is it that I need to lose weight to be able to work out. I'm doing it. I just can't believe it came to that. 

I'm drinking water. Not a full gallon yet, because I don't like to spend my WHOLE day in the bathroom, but I've had about half. I'll work up to the whole over the next week. I have had my supplements, I had a high protein breakfast and lunch, with a few carbs because nobody wants to catch Sara when her "sugars" drop. :) No, I don't have diabetes. But thanks to PCOS, I have insulin issues. No worries, I've got this. 

How is your day going? What do you think so far? Don't be shy! I'm here for you, and would love input. Or criticism. Whatever. 

laters, babies!

Day -1

Hello Folks!

If you are reading this, thank you!

I'm starting a huge new journey, and I need all the help and encouragement I can get!  You see, I've tried to lose weight and be healthy so many times over the years. Just like quitting smoking, I believe this takes a good 10 tries before it sticks. Now, I've never smoked (hello, Asthma?!), but I know food has a certain calling to some people. 

Yes, I have several "health issues" that make it very hard to lose weight and keep it off. But food? Man, that stuff is good!! I'm trying hard to remember to "Eat To Live, don't Live To Eat", but sometimes it's difficult. Besides have Poly Cystic Ovaries (known as PCOS from here on out), and Asthma and allergies that often require bouts of Prednisone (the devil!), I also eat according to moods! Have a great day? Let's celebrate and eat! Feeling down? I should eat. Angry at someone, I'm gonna eat! See how that works? Very frustrating.

So this journey I'm starting tomorrow will not just be a weight loss journey. Oh no. It will be one to complete better health and well being. I want to be here in 40 years. I want to see my son grow up and get married (if the lady is good enough for him, of course!). I want to hold hands with my husband and walk around the block with our 20 dogs when we are 85. I want to see my children's children's children. I'm going to be here for all that.

Most of all, I want to feel good. I want to be here for me. I'm going to do this, and if you want to join me, awesome. Let me know. We will support each other! You want to watch from afar? That's cool! I'm here regardless. You want to say mean things to me? Go for it, but I'll probably just use it as motivation. Whatever I feel will be posted here. Pics will be posted tomorrow as a starting point, and I'll share what I'm doing each day to get to my goal.

What's my goal? I don't have a "Goal Weight".  I'm not going to conform to what 99/100 doctors think I should weigh for my height. I'm going for what feels good, what I think looks good, and what makes me not have to shop for clothes in the "Plus Size" section, cause let's be honest, those clothes just aren't as cute. 

Thank you for reading, thank you for caring enough to see what I'm doing, and thank you, most of all, for being you. 

See you tomorrow!!