Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The Dreaded Day 2

Day 2 arrived. And it wasn't bad, but it's going out with a bang.

So, I stepped on the scale, which is allowed, thankyouverymuch. I'm down 4.8 pounds so far. That feels awesome. But it's just the beginning.

I've done well today. No big cravings, ate a wonderfully healthy lunch with my Mom and Gram today. I was lucky enough to be able to "schedule" them into my appointments today, as I was on that side of town. I don't spend enough time with those ladies. That's for sure.

I had my sugar free minty gum for any nausea, had my water. No problems to speak of! Boring, right. Well, just wait. It gets interesting.  

I got a text. "Hey, our Regional HCS is in town." No stress, right? Actually, we finally met the little southern belle, and I like her a lot! Whew, one stress down.

I twisted the HELL outta my knee today. You know how athletic I am and all. So I was walking, and there was a curb. That's all it takes. Not sure if I've done damage. Icing it and some anti inflammatorys are in my future this evening.  But still, no "diet busting" trigger. I'm good!!

Well, for those of you that don't know, we had very big, exciting plans to expand our family in October. We've been unable to get pregnant since our miscarriage a year after Eli was born. I LOVE being a mom, and always wanted a huge family. I feel so lucky to have Eli. He is amazing, and I"m happy to be his mom, but I still feel incomplete. I try filling my house with animals. Too many, if you ask my mom. It's not the same. An opportunity presented itself, and we had prayers going up and fingers crossed, but a short 4 weeks after I was told we were chosen to be the parents, I was told she had changed her mind. 

Now, we are broke people. We are working on our financial health, but at this time, we cannot afford many of the fees adoption agencies ask of you. This was going to be a family adoption, handled gently and easily. For a whole month I got my hopes up, as I do, and we as a family starting planning a nursery, shopping for great deals, and listing favorite names. I can't be angry, as I would never be able to part with a baby I held for 40 weeks and got to know. But to say I'm disappointed and sad would be an understatement. 

Please, though, don't feel bad or sorry for us. I'm trying to stay positive that a window has opened elsewhere and we will again be parents, and Eli will get to be a big brother. To more than a dog. I love dogs, but it's just not the same. 

Talk about depressing and a huge diet busting trigger, right? I'm holding my own with water and a few crackers. I know the only way I can have a baby myself is to lose weight (A lot of it) and work hard and pray and hope my body decides to work. I know there are other ways to go about this, and if it comes down to it, we will make those decisions at that time. For now, I'm focusing on the family I do have, the amazingly supportive husband that Chad is, and end of year festivities with my almost 4th grader. Man they grow up fast.

On to Day 3, the challenges that might be put before us, and the amazing results I will continue to see. 

I'll Be Back. 

No comments:

Post a Comment